In other news, the nearby town of Smartsville has just triumphed in the mighty century-old struggle to restore the "s" (the middle one, duh) in its name (this issue has taken up a significant amount of front page Union real estate in the past couple of months). Somehow, in 1907, the Post Office, in a fit of efficiency, dropped the "s" in the interest of brevity. That would be, by my calculations, about a nine-percent sleeker name, which makes total sense. Begs the question as to why San Francisco or San LuisObispo have been allowed to keep all their letters all these years. Perhaps we should be Rass Alley.
Anyhoo, the stalwart citizens of the town (pop.947, these days) have been fighting the good fight ever since, not losing hope even after being denied their request, um, a few times, the last being in 1947. But this time, their pitiful cries and persistence paid off. They were heeded by the U.S. Board of Geographic Names and the missing letter was allowed back to its proper place. By the by, for you conspiracy-theory types out there who believe that there are unknown forces controlling our lives, indeed the very spellings of our town names, there's an organization you can wrap your crazy little brains around. Go for it.
So, now the confusing signage within the town can be made consistent, not to mention the highway directional signs, which I'm sure have caused no end of grief and quandary in the last hundred years. There are 947 happier campers along Hwy 20, this week. After all, says Kit Burton, resident of said village, "You wouldn't want somebody calling you Jimmy when your name is George. Heavens no.
And, speaking of goofy little villages, it's time to catch up with the ol' Police Blotter.
"2:45 p.m.--A man in the lobby reported he had lost his wallet about one month ago with $340 in it." [might not be filing that under "Drop Everything and Look For This Guy's Wallet"]
"12:19 p.m.--A business on Brunswick Road reported a man just drove away from a gas pump and broke off the hos doing so. Officers found the driver and filed a report. [So embarrassing. APB for car with hose dangling...]
"8:05 p.m.--Officers told two young men on the city hall parking lot to quit making strange noises at law enforcement." [I'm trying to picture what that even means...]
"4;37 p.m.-- A man in th police station lobby said he was there for a child exchange and the mother was 37 minutes late. He requested her lateness be documented." [Can we assume this wasn't one of those "amicable" separations?]
"4:31 a.m.--A caller from the 200 block of Coyote Street reported a man outside the post office taking off his shirt outside a car with all the doors open and music blaring." [was the guy too hairy? Listening Neil Diamond? Come on, there's got to more to it than that]
"12:51 a.m.--A patrol officer noticed a home on the 100 block of Castlemont Drive with all the doors open. The officer learned it was the homeowner trying to air out the house." [file under "Are We a Little Too Jumpy?]
"10:34 p.m.--A caller reported a fire on the 100 block of Dorsey Drive. Responding firefighters found a man barbecuing." [same file folder as above. I'm pretty sure the firefighters were OK with the false alarm, though, since it probably broke the monotony of the slow season they're having...]
[and I'm not sure I want to know what's going on with these next two--a rash of portable toilet capers]
"2:19 a.m.--A caller from the 13000 block of Golden Eagle Way reported someone stole his portable toilet. The caller said he suspected his neighbor." [is he an ex-Hell's Angel?]
"2:20 a.m.--A caller from the 200 block of Broad Street reported a theft of a portable toilet. The caller said it was taken by a neighbor who is an ex-Hell's Angel member. The portable toilet was gray and white with a chair and a bucket attached. The caller said he wasn't sure if the portable toilet was stolen or just missing." [just missing???]
