From Stockton, on Saturday morning, we drove the five-or-so hours to Moorpark in western San Fernando Valley. Tom had to be at the Fischingers' church by noon to practice with friends of the family who were going to sing a couple of songs for the service. One funny little thing was that Dylan, who flew into Burbank (from SF) then rented a car for the day, was driving to the church, as well, and, as it turned out, was just a couple of off-ramps behind us as we merged onto the 118. Out of those millions of cars zooming along...
We first met Mark in the mid-eighties, when he and (Tom's niece) Lisa had been dating for several months. He was at Stanford, she still in high school. He was friendly, funny and bright. Clearly, they made a great couple. Dylan and Rachel helped out at their wedding in 1987. Unfortunately, we never got to know Mark super-well, but we always enjoyed his company a couple of times a year when the families gathered for the usual celebrations. We enjoyed watching as their family grew to three boys--Ben, now 17, Luke, 14, and Joel, 10 (I'm close, if not exactly right on the ages).
We knew that he loved the ocean, but at the memorial service we learned detail of which we hadn't been so aware, i.e., that he was an expert sailor, diver, water-skier, fisherman, and just about anything else that involved water. We knew he was a techno-geek, as well (in the best possible sense), making his living on the cutting edge of the software industry and also generously helping anyone else with their own technical challenges over the years. He was a wonderful family guy and friend, as confirmed by all the people who went to the podium to describe his influence on their lives.
He was also brave and tenacious.
As a teenager, he was diagnosed with serious nasopharyngeal cancer (cancer of the tissues just above the back of the throat) carrying a poor prognosis. He was blasted with radiation and maintained a positive attitude throughout. In college, the cancer returned, this time in his lungs (I believe). More treatments. They say he fought it and steadfastly maintained that positive perspective, eventually surviving to help others, through extensive speaking and volunteer work, face their own illnesses. We had heard, over the years, and it was stated again on Saturday, that he survived that type of cancer longer than anyone else in the country. But it was the premature deterioration of the tissues from the radiation which eventually caused his body to fail, about 11 days ago. The last three years have been quite a challenge for him and his family.The loss for Lisa, their boys, extended family and close friends is great. They're all amazing and strong and so supportive of each other and will move forward in healthy and positive ways, though they'll miss him so much. We'll miss him, as well, and, as is often the case, wish we'd known him better.
The service and the gatherings that followed were truly a celebration of his remarkable life (pun sort of intended). Here's a nice photo of Mark that we tried to use on a handout, but it didn't have high-enough res. I've also posted a recent one of him with Lisa, Ben, Luke and Joel that we did use. I didn't think to take too many photos in Moorpark, but did snap one of Tom's mom and her sister, Eileen. At Lisa's house, later, I shot a pic of Tom, his mom, and Rachel Trautwein, who is Lisa's sister-in-law.It is always such a mixed experienced, a memorial day for a loved one who has passed away. Sad, of course. But it truly can be healing and uplifting, as well, as one reflects on the whole life of a person (along side one's own life, too). Then, there's the gathering of so many friends and family members that one sees too seldom. That was Saturday. We honor Mark and wish for those who loved him good memories and continued appreciation of how fortunate we've been to have known him.
