This week, I attended two poll-worker classes at the Rood Center (county bldg) in Nevada City. Yes, I will be one of those folks scowling behind the folding tables on Tuesday, watching YOU like a hawk, ready to leap into action should YOU, the hapless provisional voter attempt to scan your paper ballot (NO! BAD!) or YOU, the electronic voter become confused by having to push "cast ballot" three times (I KNOW you will screw up!).
There are seals and procedures and paperwork and more seals (NEVER cut the red ones...well, except for the first red one) and more procedures. I will arrive well before 6:15am on Tuesday, and leave sometime after 9pm. You're welcome. All this, and we live in a mail-in only precinct. Our house doesn't even HAVE a polling place. So, I'll be working one somewhere else. For the sake of my learning curve (hey, there are three different machines and, and, lots of seals, and stuff), it's convenient that there will probably be a low turnout. And simple. No party affiliations. No poll-watchers. I will bring my knitting. And maybe a book. And some puzzles. But don't think I'm not checking your car bumper in case you have an election sticker parked within 100 feet. I'll have the special string to check. I mean it.
Meanwhile, as Nevada County prepares to vote, some of its citizens provide the entertainment while we wait.
"10:43 a.m.--An elderly woman from the 11000 block of Alta Vista Avenue reported someone had messed up her clocks and she wanted to know the time. She was advised of 9-1-1 usage and to call "time". [I can only hope she doesn't come to my polling place]
"8:05 p.m.--A woman from the 11000 block of Alta Vista reported she had gotten home and her refrigerator had been ransacked. It was found to have been an exploded soda in the freezer."[check the address with the one from above...ditto to my comment]
"5:56 p.m.--A man from the 14000 block of Rough and Ready Road reported receiving third-hand information that a man was being held against his will and "only being fed KFC" [Lordy! Right up there with waterboarding]
"3:46 p.m.--A woman from the 14000 block of Wheeler Acres Road reported vandalism damage to her septic tank." [umm. How, exactly? one might wonder]
"12:22 p.m.--A caller near the Pine Creek Laundromat reported that he found a suspicious item that he said belonged to the Department of Justice." [can't have enough clean briefs...sorry]
"5:58 p.m.--A caller from Uren Street and Highway 49 reported a "possible spiritual body theft". [Hm. Sounds like something else might be missing, as well...]
[from one month ago] "4:41 p.m.--A caller from West Main Street reported vehicles were backed up at the Post Office. The light was working; the congestion was due to people going to drop off their tax forms." [It's like calling to report that "I live on another planet!"]
"11:42 p.m.--A person with a pink tricycle was stopped on Zion Street and advised to walk the tricycle home." [because everybody knows the pink curfew is 10pm--sheesh]
"11:55 a.m.--A caller from Hughes Road reported a "cardboard cat" was in the middle of the road last night and the caller removed it." [You don't see that kind of bravery every day]
On second thought, I hope ALL of these folks stay home election day!
