Tom and his sister, Diana, had also been working hard all week to organize Ken's affairs and arrangements as well as planning to replace the kind of assistance that Ken had provided for their mom on a regular basis. While there remain a few loose ends, most issues are quite well in hand by now. Diana took on the responsibility to plan the service.
She did a beautiful job. It took place at the local Presbyterian church where we had gathered to remember Tom's dad, Ben, after he passed away in February of '05. The pastor there knew Ken (Ken had sung in the choir) and conducted a sensitive, light-hearted celebration of his life. Tom played the piano as you can see (somehow, I never got any other photos of the service). It was great to see so many extended family with whom we connect so rarely as well as friends from decades past (yikes-decades?!). All looking fabulous, of course. Several friends from the Triangle Club, the 12-step group, with whom Ken had spent so much positive time the last 18 months, came to pay their respects and let folks know how much they'll miss him.
There was a reception at the church, where we were able to spend some good time (albeit too short!) with family and friends.
You can see a picture of Tom and Diana with their uncle (Ruth's brother), Harold, and Harold's daughters Nancy (l) and Susan (r) with Susan's husband, Jim, next to Tom. Later, the smaller family group went to Marcus-and-Joy's house for dinner. They have been so generous and gracious to host us all time and time again in their beautiful home (in the grip of the spirit of Halloween, at the moment). The familiarity of being there was comforting.
There's a picture of Ken's kids, Jeremy (smiling at the camera) and Jacob (dark hair) chatting with their grandma Ruth.
The next one shows Rachel (who flew down from SF) on the patio with Marcus. Dylan couldn't make it because he was in Chicago with Emi. They had been preparing for months to run in the Chicago Marathon, which took place Sunday morning (they both finished at around 3 hours, 38 minutes, by the by! Woohoo!).
The last shot is of the great arrangement of photos of Ken's life that Diana put together (click on it to see the photo at the top of Tom and Ken--cute!). I know that as I look at them, there's still a part of me that hasn't figured out, yet, that we won't be adding any more. The busy-ness of the focus on the necessary list of issues needing attention after someone dies does blunt the sense of loss for awhile. The service and the gathering of friends and family is therapeutic and even fun. But it might take awhile for the reality to set in. We'll all be checking in frequently with Mom and she has many friends who will do the same. Her loss is more immediate than ours in several ways. But for most of us, the re-learning process will take some time, I think. He just won't be there when we expect him to be.
