I don't know how it happens. One day I look at my desk, and I have a big pile of small rectangles of newspaper. It's like the Police Blotter clippings have been breeding overnight. Let's see what's in it, this time.
"2:54 p.m.--A man called from the 12000 block of Creek View Drive to report someone stole a pair of vice grips from his tool shed while he was in jail during the month of March." [I keep MY gold-plated vice grips in a secret safe to avoid such a catastrophe]
"1:48 p.m.--A caller reported a person was lying in the dirt by a fence at Veterans Memorial Park. Police checked on the person, who was just enjoying the sun." [Can't a guy even catch a few rays in peace, around here?]
"3:27 p.m.--A caller from East Main Street at Dorsey Drive reported a hot dog sign was in the roadway. Police found the sign and brought it back to the restaurant where it belonged." [Keep that thing on a leash, at least...]
"11:34 p.m.--A caller reported a man wrapped in a blanket was walking very slowly on Kate Hayes Street. the caller thought police should check on him. Police contacted the 19-year-old man, who was fine and was not drunk. He had walked to the store and he was cold, so he used a blanket." [I hope they informed the caller that the "walking-while-wrapped-in-a-blanket law was repealed years ago]
"6:41 p.m.--A woman called from the 18000 block of Biladeau Lane to report flip flops were missing from her porch and Vicodin was missing from her house." [APB for a casually-dressed person with a big smile.]
"5:57 p.m.--A caller reported a woman was dancing on Broad Street in front of a hotel. Police were unable to locate the woman." [She had already moved on to her next performance as "Somewhat Inebriated Woman Seeking the Powder Room"]
"10:16 a.m.--Officers responded to a non-injury accident on Highway 20 at Highway 49. Police cited a 97-year-old man on suspicion of driving with a suspended license." [Might be time to suspend the old keys from a very tall tree...]
"A caller from the 600 block of Brighton Street reported the theft of a stone elephant sometime in the first half of March. An officer took a report for petty theft." [*sigh*, another Cold Case to file...]
"12:31 a.m.--A caller from the 18000 block of Greenhorn Road reported a large bear on the back porch. The caller was referred to the Department of Fish and Game." [Just up the road a piece. Wonder if it's the same intrepid explorer referred to in the next item, which is just down the road a piece:]
"9:12 a.m.--A caller from the 13000 block of Downwind Court reported neighbors were not keeping trash contained and the bears were bringing it onto the caller's property. The caller wanted to know if this is considered littering." [This'll be keeping the law scholars around here up at night]
"10:02 p.m.--A caller from the 11000 block of Mooney Flat Road reported a person was causing an argument and throwing cheese in her eye. A man at the house also called. He sounded as if he had been drinking, and he said a woman was throwing cheese all over the house and his wife was acting "nutso". The man said the fight was not physical. A woman said "yes" in the background. A deputy determined the fight was not physical. No arrests were made." [So many questions. Who uses cheese as a weapon? Who HAS that much cheese? Jack or cheddar? And if it was a nice Parmigiano Reggiano, throw 'em in the clink and lose the key!]
I tossed about half of them. Folks called the police to report: kids reported riding their bikes to school; the ice cream truck playing music too loud near the school; a guy breaking into his own apartment; more meat truck shenanigans; graffiti on the side of a building; the crime of "juvenile walking funny", etc. You know--same old, same old.
By the by, last weekend, the front page of the Union alloted 2/3 of the front page to the bunny show at the fairgrounds. "It was the first time the National Rhinelander Show, the National Rex Show, and the National Havana Show took place in Nevada County on the same day and at the same venue." And so many people still ask us why we moved here...
